Think Less, Act More: 6 Confidence Boosters for Women
少空想，多做事：針對(duì)女性樹(shù)立自信心的六條建議
Journalists Katty Kay and Claire Shipman, the authors of a new book on self-assurance, on how we can all boost our confidence。
記者凱蒂·卡伊和克萊爾·席普曼在她們合著的新書中寫到了自我肯定以及增強(qiáng)信心的方法。
It’s an ingredient essential for success, but confidence can be maddeningly elusive. In part, perhaps, because it is misunderstood. Confidence doesn’t, for example, have to look Mad Men macho. It’s not about speaking first or loudest. And faking it actually makes you less self-assured. It’s also not all in your mind, or about “feeling good。” Telling yourself you are great doesn’t make you confident. Confidence, we have learned, is about action, and it is created by doing, and by work. Confidence can also look different for women. A handful of powerful and accomplished women let us in on their often surprising confidence boosters。
自信心是成功必不可少的因素之一，然而它又是如此不可捉摸讓人惱火�；蛟S，從某種程度上說(shuō)，這是因?yàn)樗徽`解了，自信并不意味著，比如，必須看起來(lái)有著《廣告狂人》中的那種的男子漢氣概。它也不意味著你得搶著第一個(gè)說(shuō)話或者說(shuō)話特別大聲。假裝自信事實(shí)上會(huì)讓你對(duì)自我更不確信。它并不是你心中胸有成竹的東西，或者是什么“感覺(jué)良好”的東西。在那里告訴自己有多偉大并不能使自己變得更有自信。我們已經(jīng)知道，自信，與行動(dòng)有關(guān)，自信是由實(shí)際行動(dòng)和個(gè)人努力所塑就的。對(duì)于女性而言，自信心也可能意味著一些不同的東西。一些成熟而強(qiáng)勢(shì)的女性們向我們介紹了她們自己樹(shù)立信心的方法——盡管這些方法常常出人意料。
Dare the difference
敢于與眾不同
For IMF boss Christine Lagarde, authenticity is the cornerstone of confidence. She is unequivocal that women must not sacrifice what makes them unique in the pursuit of power. She happily pokes fun at men who interrupt to make their points. Women can and should drive a civilized conversation, she contends. It is more natural, and powerful. At the moment she’s busy urging a new female leader of a third world country, who is intent on cutting her nation’s costs, to stick with her plan for a vastly reduced motorcade size. Advisors have told her she will look less powerful—that she should keep the huge fleet of cars. Au contraire, Legarde told her—dare to be different. And make a virtue of it. And each time this new leader takes authentic steps like that, her confidence will grow。
對(duì)于IMF的老板克里斯丁·拉加德來(lái)說(shuō)，真實(shí)乃是自信的基礎(chǔ)。她明確表示在追逐權(quán)力的道路上，女性們不該犧牲讓自己顯得獨(dú)特的東西。她喜歡取笑那些打斷別人以表達(dá)自己觀點(diǎn)的男人們，并堅(jiān)信女性可以并且應(yīng)當(dāng)推動(dòng)一場(chǎng)文明的對(duì)話。這樣更自然，也更有力。有一次她強(qiáng)烈建議一個(gè)想要減少國(guó)內(nèi)開(kāi)支的第三世界國(guó)家女性領(lǐng)導(dǎo)人堅(jiān)持自己大規(guī)模削減車隊(duì)規(guī)模的計(jì)劃。她的顧問(wèn)告訴她這樣可能會(huì)讓她看起來(lái)缺少權(quán)威，所以保留車隊(duì)的規(guī)模是十分必要的。而拉加德的建議卻恰恰相反，她告訴這位領(lǐng)導(dǎo)人，要敢于與眾不同，并將這種劣勢(shì)轉(zhuǎn)為自己的優(yōu)勢(shì)。每當(dāng)這位領(lǐng)導(dǎo)人采取像這樣的措施時(shí)，都變得更加自信。
Don’t aim to please—aim for respect
不要試圖討好他人，而要贏得他人的尊重
Being different is, to some extent, part of the story of every highly successful woman. Linda Hudson, the CEO of BAE for the past four years, and first woman head a major defense company, grew up very comfortable being unique. She always played with the boys, and was one of the few women in her engineering program in college. Her most conscientious confidence habit is one that makes many women uncomfortable. She long ago decided she would stop worrying about being liked. She turned her focus toward earning respect. She told us it makes tough decisions easier. She may hurt some feelings in the short run but in the long run, she is earning something valuable。
從某種程度上說(shuō)，與眾不同，是每一個(gè)取得巨大成功的女性背后故事的一部分。琳達(dá)·哈德森，作為CEO執(zhí)掌BAE四年之久，她也是第一個(gè)主要軍火公司的女性掌門人，她的成長(zhǎng)經(jīng)歷自然與眾不同。她總是和男孩子玩在一起，而且也是大學(xué)工程計(jì)劃中極少數(shù)的女性之一。關(guān)于自信，她有個(gè)奉行最徹底的習(xí)慣，然而這一習(xí)慣卻令許多女性感到不自在。她很久以前她就決定不再為自己是否討人喜歡而庸人自擾，而是去努力贏得他人的尊重。她告訴我們，這樣的想法使得一些原本困難的決定變得簡(jiǎn)單。也許在短期來(lái)看她會(huì)傷害一些人的感情，但是從長(zhǎng)遠(yuǎn)來(lái)看，她將得到更寶貴的東西。
Make up your mind—even if you make a mistake下定決心——即使這是錯(cuò)誤的決定
Not all risk-taking involves big, life-changing actions. And while confidence is centered on taking action, it’s important to remember that often action is about small-scale, everyday decision-making. Speedy decisions can be a confidence crucible for women, who usually want to get everything “right。” Beth Wilkinson, one of the most sought-after litigators in the country, is a consummate risk-taker, and one of the most confident women we know. She is an expert “decider。” She learned early on that making the basic decisions quickly, and moving on, not only taught her to learn from failure but also left her mental freedom to think more clearly about the biggest issues. She admits, laughing, that she’s become addicted to quick decision-making. “There’s fall out. I get things wrong, but I usually learn from it,” she shrugs。
并不是每一次的冒險(xiǎn)都會(huì)影響巨大、改變?nèi)松�。�?dāng)你將信心集中于采取行動(dòng)時(shí)，你得記住這些行動(dòng)常常只是一些細(xì)小且日常的決策，這一點(diǎn)十分重要。快速?zèng)Q策對(duì)于女性的自信心來(lái)說(shuō)可能是一場(chǎng)嚴(yán)酷的考驗(yàn)，對(duì)于那些總想確保萬(wàn)無(wú)一失的人來(lái)說(shuō)尤是如此。美國(guó)最炙手可熱的律師貝斯·威爾金森，可能是我們所知的最自信的女性之一，作為一個(gè)完美的“冒險(xiǎn)者”，她在做決策的方面堪稱專家。她很早就知道如何迅速作出基本的決定，以及如何繼續(xù)勇往直前，這不僅教會(huì)了她如何在失敗中吸取教訓(xùn)，還給了她自主思考的空間，將一些重大問(wèn)題梳理得更清楚。她笑著承認(rèn)，她已經(jīng)對(duì)這種迅速?zèng)Q定的方式上癮了。“有時(shí)候我也會(huì)和別人爭(zhēng)執(zhí)。我也會(huì)把事情搞砸，但是我也常常從中能學(xué)到東西。”她聳聳肩說(shuō)道。
Jackpot moments
“中獎(jiǎng)時(shí)刻”
Major General Jessica Wright, the most senior woman in the US military today, is utterly warm, charming and not scared to embrace a feminine style. She’s also crisp and assured and not somebody who appreciates dithering. Over her long military career, she’s suffered from “spaghetti nerves” like most of us, and has had plenty of confidence building moments becoming a leader in such masculine world. One confidence tip she offered was an early discovery: some of your most challenging moments can be turned to your advantage. Early in her career, one superior told her that he didn’t much like females in the military. “About 500 things went through my head,” she says, “but what I told him was ‘Sergeant, this is your chance to get over that.’” Her decision to seize that potentially fraught moment paid off. She gained his respect, and she felt her confidence soar。
杰西卡·懷特少將，也是當(dāng)今美國(guó)軍隊(duì)中軍銜最高的女性，是一個(gè)極其熱心且富有魅力的人，她并不擔(dān)心自己的風(fēng)格女性化。同時(shí)她也并不喜歡優(yōu)柔寡斷，相反她十分行事果決。在她漫長(zhǎng)的軍事生涯中，她就像我們中的大部分人一樣經(jīng)歷了“迷茫和混亂”的時(shí)刻;在這個(gè)男人的世界里成長(zhǎng)為一個(gè)領(lǐng)導(dǎo)人，她也經(jīng)歷了許多樹(shù)立起信心的瞬間。她告訴我們她很早以前發(fā)現(xiàn)的一條樹(shù)立信心的竅門：一些你人生中遇到過(guò)的最具挑戰(zhàn)性的瞬間，可能反過(guò)來(lái)成為你的優(yōu)勢(shì)。在她事業(yè)的早期，曾有一位上級(jí)告訴她他并不喜歡參軍的女人。“我一下子覺(jué)得腦袋里很混亂，”她說(shuō)，“但是我還是告訴他‘中士，這正是你克服這種心理的好時(shí)機(jī)。’”對(duì)于這種可能造成造成尷尬的時(shí)刻，她作出的這種迎難而上的決定最終贏得了他的尊重，也增強(qiáng)了自己的信心。
Practice makes perfect confidence
練習(xí)造就十足的自信
Work and repetition can change your confidence game, literally. It starts not with a belief that you are naturally good or bad at something, but rather a belief that you can learn. Chrystal Langhorne is one of the top players for the Washington Mystics basketball team. To watch her on the court today is to see a dazzling blur of athletic prowess and confident moves. Her first year in the league though, she told us, she thought about quitting basketball. Her game was just not coming together. She was in Lithuania for the winter, and decided to focus, in a big way, on her shooting style. She became single-minded, spending hours every day, shooting, and completely remaking her style. What she accomplished was remarkable. She’s been an all-star player every year since, and she says that the work, the history of what she accomplished, now lives in her head. With each difficult shot she prepares to take, she tells herself: “I know I can do this. I worked on it。”
努力以及反復(fù)努力能夠真正改變你樹(shù)立信心的過(guò)程。它并不從樹(shù)立一種“你天生就善于或不善于做某件事情”的信念開(kāi)始，而是要你相信自己擁有學(xué)習(xí)的潛能。克里斯蒂爾·蘭霍恩是華盛頓神秘隊(duì)最好的球員之一。她在球場(chǎng)上的表現(xiàn)簡(jiǎn)直就是運(yùn)動(dòng)員的精湛技術(shù)和自信心的完美結(jié)合。而她告訴我們，她在聯(lián)盟的第一年她幾乎想要放棄籃球。她打球完全不在狀態(tài)。在立陶宛度過(guò)了冬天以后，她決定開(kāi)始徹底轉(zhuǎn)向于射籃風(fēng)格的練習(xí)。她變得專心致志，每天要花好幾個(gè)小時(shí)練習(xí)射籃，并最后完全重塑了自己的投球風(fēng)格。她的成就令人側(cè)目。自那以后，她每年都是全明星球員，她說(shuō)，她所成就的事業(yè)，或者創(chuàng)造的歷史，至今仍歷歷在目。每一次在她準(zhǔn)備射籃的時(shí)候，無(wú)論有多困難，她都會(huì)告訴自己：“我知道我能行，我已經(jīng)努力過(guò)了。”
Don’t ruminate—rewire
對(duì)事勿反芻 而要切換思路
The creation of solid confidence isn’t just a brain game. It comes from work and risk and experiences that give us the proof we can keep doing more. Still, our brains don’t do us any favors when it comes to confidence. They need to be trained, because they get in the way, big time. We spend a lot of time thinking, ruminating, and dwelling on problems and things that might go wrong. Even brilliant brain experts fall victim to the habit. Laura Ann Pettito, a renowned neuroscientist who is one of the top in her field, who runs a prestigious laboratory supported by Gallaudet University and the NIH, had a debilitating mental habit. She would sit on the bus on the way home each day going over a long list of her failings. It was her mental default mode. But all of the emerging research into the power of brain plasticity convinced her she could and should rewire. Now she forces herself, as she starts her journey home, to focus on three things she did well. Usually, after that, the negative assessments are kept at bay. And she’s found her mindset is more open to new challenges and risks。
樹(shù)立堅(jiān)實(shí)的信心并非只是個(gè)腦力活。堅(jiān)實(shí)的信心源于努力，源于冒險(xiǎn)，源于經(jīng)驗(yàn)，源于這些證明我們可以走的更遠(yuǎn)的東西。而且，我們的大腦對(duì)于如何樹(shù)立信心方面也根本給不了我們什么幫助。在樹(shù)立信心方面他們常常礙事兒，所以他們需要長(zhǎng)時(shí)間訓(xùn)練。我們花很多時(shí)間思考，反芻，并駐足于那些可能出錯(cuò)的問(wèn)題和事情上，這樣的習(xí)慣甚至?xí)菇艹龅拇竽X專家也成為受害者/甚至連杰出的大腦專家也會(huì)深受其害。勞拉·安·佩蒂托，一位著名的業(yè)內(nèi)頂尖神經(jīng)科學(xué)家，并運(yùn)營(yíng)著一個(gè)由加勞德特大學(xué)和NIH共同出資設(shè)立的極富盛名的實(shí)驗(yàn)室，她便是被一個(gè)心理習(xí)慣所困擾著。在每天回家坐公交車的路上，她都會(huì)細(xì)數(shù)腦中關(guān)于自己的一大串失敗。這就是她的思維定式。但是所有的關(guān)于大腦可塑性能力的新興研究都使她相信，她可以且應(yīng)當(dāng)換一種思維模式進(jìn)行思考了�，F(xiàn)在她迫使自己在回家路上只關(guān)注做的不錯(cuò)的三件事。之后通常她能遠(yuǎn)離負(fù)面評(píng)估，而且能以更開(kāi)放的心態(tài)對(duì)待新的挑戰(zhàn)和任務(wù)了。
