大學(xué)英語四級考試寫作典型例文精彩點(diǎn)評(二)
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例5.(14分段)
It can be discerned that the American students prefer to read the popular novel rather than other kind of books, such as the nonpopular (unpopular) novel, the books of technology, poem and so on. The percentage of the popular novel current(currently) is about 68.2%. Other kind of novels' current(currently) is, reletively (relatively), about 16.8%, 8.3%, and 5.2%.
It is not hard to think out why the popular novels can attract so many students. The popular novel is interesting, and not so abstract as books that full of the mathmatic formulate(mathematic formulae). However, as university students, study is the first task for us to do. So we should pay more attention to the books about our major. Fictions may color our life, but it can not be the key part of our studying life.
Personally, I would like to spend my free time in reading books about my major, such as technology digests, computer newspaper... Because I want do to(刪掉) a good job in my subjects. Fortunately, my dreams come true, meanwhile, I 've gained other things--I found(have founded) a solid basic knowledge about my major(加破折號)make me feel easy to contrive the electronic circuit which have to be done during our bachelor years. Thanks to those books!
點(diǎn)評：(1)切題。
(2)論證比較有力，表達(dá)思想清楚。
(3)文字通順，連貫性較好，但有個別語言錯誤。
注： 文中劃線部分為原文的一些明顯語言錯誤，括號里的為修改建議，為保持原文面貌，對于結(jié)構(gòu)沒有做過多改動。
2003年6月考試四級作文題：An Eye-Witness Account of a Traffic Accident
假設(shè)你在某日某時某地目擊一起車禍，就此寫一份見證書。
見證書須包括以下幾點(diǎn)：
1、車禍發(fā)生的時間及地點(diǎn);
2、你所見到的車禍情況;
3、你對車禍原因的分析。
例1. (2分段)
At 9:00, Jan. 20, 2003, I eye-witness a traffic accident in Dongfang Street.
I see that a(an) old people is hitted (hit)by a car.
In my opinion, the rapid driver is the main reason, but the old people also has his error.
點(diǎn)評：(1)字?jǐn)?shù)明顯不夠，考試大盡管都點(diǎn)題了，但只有三句話。
(2)有語法錯誤。
例2.(5分段)
In my opinion, the driver of Benz auto should be blamed on(for) the traffic accident. It was his drunk driving that resulted in this accident.
It is not(no) doubt that the traffic accident is a high(hot) topic in the modern(modern) society, different people have different attitude (attitudes) to this.
When it come(comes) to the accident, people think it responsible for the driver. But last Sunday I see(saw) a(an) accident. A woman crossed a street when a car turn(turned at) the crossing .it is too late to stop the car ,The women was bad(badly) hurt. The people who was walking along the street took the woman to hospital, (and) the driver came with them.
As far as (I am) concerned, the both sides have responsibility for this, begin(at the beginning), the woman shouldnot cross the street. Forthemore, the driver should pay more attention. Last. we should take proper measure .Only (when) we take the measure and we (become) more careful can we have a colorful (life) tomorrow.
點(diǎn)評：(1)本文基本切題。
(2)但有的地方表達(dá)思想不清楚，層次不夠清楚?？荚嚧笕绲诙伟衙枋鲕嚨溓闆r和發(fā)生原因混為一談，而最后一段的總結(jié)又很牽強(qiáng)。
(3)全文有比較多的語言錯誤，而且有些是嚴(yán)重的錯誤.
It can be discerned that the American students prefer to read the popular novel rather than other kind of books, such as the nonpopular (unpopular) novel, the books of technology, poem and so on. The percentage of the popular novel current(currently) is about 68.2%. Other kind of novels' current(currently) is, reletively (relatively), about 16.8%, 8.3%, and 5.2%.
It is not hard to think out why the popular novels can attract so many students. The popular novel is interesting, and not so abstract as books that full of the mathmatic formulate(mathematic formulae). However, as university students, study is the first task for us to do. So we should pay more attention to the books about our major. Fictions may color our life, but it can not be the key part of our studying life.
Personally, I would like to spend my free time in reading books about my major, such as technology digests, computer newspaper... Because I want do to(刪掉) a good job in my subjects. Fortunately, my dreams come true, meanwhile, I 've gained other things--I found(have founded) a solid basic knowledge about my major(加破折號)make me feel easy to contrive the electronic circuit which have to be done during our bachelor years. Thanks to those books!
點(diǎn)評：(1)切題。
(2)論證比較有力，表達(dá)思想清楚。
(3)文字通順，連貫性較好，但有個別語言錯誤。
注： 文中劃線部分為原文的一些明顯語言錯誤，括號里的為修改建議，為保持原文面貌，對于結(jié)構(gòu)沒有做過多改動。
2003年6月考試四級作文題：An Eye-Witness Account of a Traffic Accident
假設(shè)你在某日某時某地目擊一起車禍，就此寫一份見證書。
見證書須包括以下幾點(diǎn)：
1、車禍發(fā)生的時間及地點(diǎn);
2、你所見到的車禍情況;
3、你對車禍原因的分析。
例1. (2分段)
At 9:00, Jan. 20, 2003, I eye-witness a traffic accident in Dongfang Street.
I see that a(an) old people is hitted (hit)by a car.
In my opinion, the rapid driver is the main reason, but the old people also has his error.
點(diǎn)評：(1)字?jǐn)?shù)明顯不夠，考試大盡管都點(diǎn)題了，但只有三句話。
(2)有語法錯誤。
例2.(5分段)
In my opinion, the driver of Benz auto should be blamed on(for) the traffic accident. It was his drunk driving that resulted in this accident.
It is not(no) doubt that the traffic accident is a high(hot) topic in the modern(modern) society, different people have different attitude (attitudes) to this.
When it come(comes) to the accident, people think it responsible for the driver. But last Sunday I see(saw) a(an) accident. A woman crossed a street when a car turn(turned at) the crossing .it is too late to stop the car ,The women was bad(badly) hurt. The people who was walking along the street took the woman to hospital, (and) the driver came with them.
As far as (I am) concerned, the both sides have responsibility for this, begin(at the beginning), the woman shouldnot cross the street. Forthemore, the driver should pay more attention. Last. we should take proper measure .Only (when) we take the measure and we (become) more careful can we have a colorful (life) tomorrow.
點(diǎn)評：(1)本文基本切題。
(2)但有的地方表達(dá)思想不清楚，層次不夠清楚?？荚嚧笕绲诙伟衙枋鲕嚨溓闆r和發(fā)生原因混為一談，而最后一段的總結(jié)又很牽強(qiáng)。
(3)全文有比較多的語言錯誤，而且有些是嚴(yán)重的錯誤.
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